Comedy Monologue - The Midnight Surprise (Rajveer)

 

SHORT COMEDY SITUATION

Raat ke 12 baje ladka surprise dene aata hai.
Haath me gift. Phone me “I’m outside”.
Darwaza halka khula. Light on.

Woh andar jaata hai…
Bed par girlfriend aur best friend blanket me.
Teeno freeze.
Gift ladke ke haath se girta hai.
Pure room me awkward silence.

COMEDY MONOLOGUE
(He stares at them… long pause… then suddenly switches into dramatic stand-up comedian tone)

“Waah. Bas waah.
Main soch raha tha raat ko surprise dunga…
Par surprise toh mujhe mil gaya.
Matlab, mujhe gift dena chahiye ya yeh scene dekh ke mujhe award milna chahiye?
‘Best Entry in a Horror-Comedy Film’!”

(He looks at the friend)

“Bro… tu?
Mera dost?
Mere saath gym karta, Mere saath PUBG khelta…
Aur lagta hai mere bina… warm-up bhi kar liya?”

(He looks at the girlfriend)

“Aur tum…
Main message type kar raha tha ‘I’m outside’…
Aur tum yaha… inside-outside sab kuch kara rahi thi.
Teamwork bohot strong hai tum dono ka, mujhe pata hi nahi tha!”

(He picks up the gift from the floor)

“Dekho gift bhi gir gaya.
Waise perfect symbolism hai —
Gift bhi toot gaya, relationship bhi.
Dual combo pack.”

(He steps back dramatically)

“Main ek baat confirm kar loon?
Yeh sab…
Netflix ka new reality show toh nahi?
‘Guess Who’s on the Bed?’
Aap dono contestants ho?
Winner ko kya milta?
Mera heartbreak?
Wow, budget bohot low hai.”

(He suddenly becomes emotional-yet-comic)

“Mujhe bas ek doubt hai…
Tumhare ghar ke WiFi ka password kya hai?
‘BestFriend69’?
Bilkul theme-match.”

(He chuckles sarcastically)

“Chalo koi nahi…
Main jaa raha hoon.
Tum log continue…
Par ek request —
Blanket properly cover kar lo, thand lag jayegi.
Aur haan,
Mere jaane ke baad light off kar dena…
Electricity ka bill main ab nahi bharunga.”

(He turns to leave, then stops one last time)

“Aur suno…
Kal se main bhi gym nahi aaunga…
Spotter pe trust nahi raha.”

He slams the door…
Scene cuts to black.